"What If's"

"What if's?"

Today was the third day of taking care of a sick baby. I am amazed at the mothering instincts that kick in when your child is sick. Although my mind tells me it is the flu, the fever is manageable, and the child is well hydrated. My heart worries about the "What if's?" "What if's" are a mothers biggest fear. What should we mothers do when the "What if's" poke their big, ugly, and obtrusive nose into our mental process. I honestly don't have an answer. All I know is my child rearing requires constant prayer and evaluation. I am learning to evaluate everything according to God's word, and my relationship with Him.

Several years ago I went through a period of sleepless nights. Honestly I feel God allowed this time to teach me complete trust in Him. Over a period of several weeks I would find myself suddenly waking up and pondering the worst what if's. What if my loving husband, my best friend died and left me alone. What if something terrible happens to one of my children? I worried and fretted tremendously and endured many sleepless nights. Night after night I worried, prayed, and cried. I went to each family member and put my hands on them and cried out to Jesus. At the time I was attending a Bible study and we discussed Abraham trusting in God and preparing for Isaac's sacrifice. Bing, Bang, Ba I got it!!! God was teaching me that He is all I need. The exact lesson He taught Abraham, He was lovingly teaching me. I felt God's inquiries spread across my heart. Crystal - If suddenly your husband and children were gone, would you still love and trust in me? Am I enough? Your husband and children belong to me, you belong to me. Are you willing to relinquish control and place them in my care? The dam of my heart burst open and the tears flowed. I apologized to God and entrusted the lives of my beloved family into His care.

Today I still suffer from "What if's", but I have an endearing peace. The peace that comes from the knowledge that God is in control. The knowledge that if I lost everyone and everything I would still have everything in God my Father.

---- When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,

---- When sorrows like sea billows roll;
---- Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
---- It is well, it is well, with my soul.