False Positive: Part I

This is a story I haven't been able to share on my blog until recently.  A story about learning to trust in God and His way's, despite my lack of understanding.  A process God has allowed me to endure, and the spiritual growth which came as a result.  My close friends and family have known and prayed, but I couldn't make a public announcement.  Please join me as I share my heart, and a story of our amazing God!

Let's take a look down memory lane, to Monday March 14, 2011.  I was 17 weeks pregnant and still feeling quite nauseous and tired.  I received a phone call that forever altered my life.  We were living in Korea, and my Korean doctor's nurse called with news I was not anticipating.  At 15 weeks my OB strongly advised I have the Triple Marker Screening Test.  In my three prior pregnancies I declined this test, knowing there is a high false positive rate.  However, my doctor was adamant I have the test, and therefore I relented.  Two weeks later I received a phone call from my doctor's nurse advising me that my baby was at high risk for down syndrome.  My breathing almost stopped, as I attempted to somehow make since of this new information.  I thought this must be a mistake, and had the nurse recalculate my results.  Revealing a higher probability of down syndrome.  My final risk was 1/16, which is extremely high considering at my age I am 1/400.  I phoned my husband, not knowing how he would respond.  To be honest his response was more Godly than mine.  He said "Crystal, God is in control!  Whatever the result we can handle it with God's strength."  He came home early from work and we immediately went to see the doctor.  She explained the statistics.  I was glad Robert was present because I almost failed my college statistics course.  She advised an amniocentesis.  Which Robert adamantly refused and I agreed.  He said, we will not risk our baby's life to get a definite answer.  Our baby  is safe and that is all that matters.  I was glad Robert was by my side, he became strength, when my strength was weakened.  The doctor advised us to have an ultrasound to look for any soft markers for down syndrome.  We immediately had the ultrasound and there were no soft markers identified.  The ultrasound revealed that our baby was a girl.  My heart was filled with bittersweet emotions.  God gave me the desire of my heart, a daughter, but we still didn't know if she had down syndrome.  I would love to say I trusted God completely, was calm, and gave in to no sinful worrying.  However, I was beside myself.  I knew I needed to trust God, and not worry.  However, it was all I could think about.  I shed many tears, and struggled with worry.

At one of my ob appointments I asked the Korean nurse, "Why are there so few down syndrome people in Korea?"  She responded, "Unfortunately they often get aborted"!  This upset me profoundly.  I asked the doctor, "What services do you have for my baby if she has down syndrome?"  She said we have nothing for foreigners."  My greatest fear was having a down syndrome baby in Korea, with no support. Realizing the special care down syndrome babies require, and the knowledge that there would be no special care for our baby.

I began praying earnestly God would lead us back to the states.  My husband is a professor and the job market is once a year.  The job market had already passed.  It is quite difficult to find a job last minute.  However, he did apply to a few positions.  Everyday I asked, "Did you get any e-mails about a job?"  His response was always the same, "No, nothing"!  We began praying every night together for God's guidance, and the health of our baby.  A good friend of mine said, "Every time you begin worrying about your baby, pray for her health.  Pray for her heart, and every part of her body."  Prayer became my survival over the next 23 weeks.  I prayed for our baby girl, until the worry disappeared.  My prayers were not once a day, but at times every minute.  I prayed feverishly for our little girl's health.  Talking to God, calmed my fears, and allowed me to function as a wife and mother.

In early May, I was talking to one of my Godly mentors, and Robert called on another phone.  I asked her to hold while I answered his call.  He said, "How would you like to go to Bloomington"?  I didn't understand, I said, "What?  To visit?  What do you mean?"  I then told my mentor I would need to call her back, "This is big, I said"!  Have I mentioned my mentor is from Bloomington, another amazing example of God's ways!  Robert explained, "I got an e-mail from Indiana University, and they want me to work for them.  What do you think?"  "What do I think?  Oh, my Gosh, yes, yes, yes!"  I was jumping up and down, and tears of joy fell from my eyes!  The night before I wrote in my prayer journal the desires of my heart.  I wrote, "God the desire of my heart is to go home, anywhere in the states.  However, I realize that your plans are better than my own.  More than any desire of mine, I desire to be in your will.  If your will is for our baby to be delivered in Korea, than that is where I want to be.  You see God answered the desires of my heart.  He said, "Crystal I will not only take you back to America, but to your home.  To Bloomington where we lived most of our married life, and where I already have a strong support system.  God is amazing!  He allows trials in our lives, but He is always there, ready to reveal His love.  Ready to reveal his mysterious nature, and the miracles only God can perform.

We received the e-mail, shipped all our belongings, and my youngest son and I were on an airplane headed to America on May 26th.  There are many amazing miracles that happened throughout these months.  I would need to write a novel to accurately reveal the awesomeness of our God.  God was teaching me trust in a profound manner.  Stay tuned for Part II of this story, of how God revealed His love to our family.