Lonely Nails

     

     Throughout my life there have been times when my nails received different levels of priority.  As a young girl, I was a Tomboy 100%.  My nails were the least of my concern.  I could dig dirt out of holes alongside the family dog, climb trees higher than the neighbor's cat, and run faster than most boys on the block.  As a teenager, I suddenly began desiring outer beauty.  My nails were painted from the age of 16 until after I had my first child.  This child changed my world.  I suddenly stopped painting my nails and I quickly realized I didn't have all the answers.  I am certain there were times after having children I had painted nails, but the difference was in my priorities.  As a college student and a young married lady, my focus was primarily on myself and my needs.  The birth of my first child, drastically altered my priorities.  This little red headed boy taught me more than what it meant to be a mother, but how to look beyond myself.  I am the mother of three wonderful little boys and a sweet baby girl.  Each child has deepened my understanding of looking beyond myself to the needs of others.  Somewhere along this journey I call parenting, I began to see things in a different light.
     I tend to judge those around me on a more generous scale.  Prior to having children, I would judge parents of screaming toddlers, in a demeaning fashion.  "When I am a mother, my child will not behave like that!  Can't that woman control her children?"  Although, I feel I have taught my children proper behavior, I haven't escaped unscathed..  For example...  Last summer after having our fourth baby, I decided to surprise the older two boys and take them out for ice cream.  This ice cream rendezvous didn't go as planned.  My six year old complained about his ice cream, and his negative attitude went from bad to plain ugly.  I remember standing at Jiffy Treat, every eye looking straight at me, and thinking "Hmmm".  To make a long story short, this child's ice cream went into the trash, strong and threatening words were shared, and his rear end was spanked.  As a parent with identifiable boundaries, there are still many opportunities to teach.  I am not exempt from badly behaved children.  As a consequence of parenting, I have learned to give others slack, and the benefit of the doubt.
     My sensitivity level has deepened.  Suddenly I feel deep emotions and sympathy for those surrounding me.  Observing neglected children out in public is more than I can handle.  Listening to the news or reading the paper has proven an impossible feat.  My heart can't handle this large influx of sad information. Seeing people grieve over lost loved ones, jobs, and homes grieves my spirit.  Watching my children grow up, become independent, and taking steps closer to cleaving wells up a fountain of emotion in my soul.
     Has the act of parenting enriched my understanding of the world around me?  The answer to this question is a resounding "NO".  Parenting is a tool (albeit a big one), God has used to teach, humble, and mold me.  The deeper understanding I behold has been a result of growing in deeper oneness with Christ.  James 1: 2-5 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.  If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you."  As a mother, I have endured much joy, but also a considerable amount of testing.  I have knelt over my bed in prayer over these little people God has placed in my care, I have disciplined when I wanted to be lazy and let it go, and I have fought on their behalf.  I have spent endless and sleepless hours caring for their sick little bodies, and cleaning up unlimited messes.  These are the avenues of parenting which are less glamorous, and these are the same avenues God has used to deepen my understanding of His world.  "Count it pure joy, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance."
    Although my nails are lonely, and lacking added luster, I wouldn't change my current responsibilities and priorities.  Lonely nails?...  That's okay!  God is using me for a much bigger picture.  If my nails aren't beautiful in the process, so be it!  I choose more!  I choose eternal over earthly!  I choose Him!