How Great Thou Art, How Great Thou Art?

On a normal night the sound of my toddler's feet prancing down the steps, through the hallway, and finally reaching his destination mommy's side of the bed, upsets my sleep routine.  Tonight is a different story.  The past hour I have been awake, thinking, and attempting to organize my sudden influx of emotions.  My sweet boy wants a drink, and without hesitation or the normal drudging it usually takes to get out of bed.  I walk him to the kitchen and pour some juice.  My 3 year old has never appeared so cute as he quietly walked back to his room, in his Thomas the Tank Engine footy pajamas.  Suddenly the desire to write overtakes my need for sleep.  I start up the trusty old computer, type in blogger.com, and sign into my account.  This is my hiding place, it is here in this empty white space I counsel with the Heavenly Father.  I begin typing my jumbled emotions...

My step-father passed away on Friday, January 27, after a long battle with cancer.  My mother phoned me Friday morning at 8 a.m. and I knew God would shortly call him home.  After receiving her phone call, I began frantically searching for childcare, and packing my belongings.  I NEEDED to be with my mother.  I NEEDED to be at her side, comforting her, and telling her God loves her.  His final breath was taken as I began my four hour drive West.  I couldn't have imagined how the next five days would effect my current mental status.  Tonight while in bed, lying next to my husband, I said "Robert, this is not like me.  I don't get depressed.  24 hours and I am over this stuff.  What is wrong with me?"  Sleep quickly sets in, but I am awakened to a world of thoughts.  Thoughts not easily put into words, and questions not easily answered.

To be honest, I almost wish I would have stayed home.  Giggling at my beautiful children, laughing hysterically at my husband's jokes, and living the life I love.  For some reason, God allowed me to relive my childhood for 5 days.  Memories flooded my mind like a 100 year flood.  Familiar setting's ached my heart, and my body left numb.  Numb- this is not a familiar emotion for me.  How do I define numb, "When painful history, and sad settings overwhelm my ability to feel, cope, and mentally organize my thoughts."  I am reminded tonight of God's biblical promise, "This too shall pass!"

Should I have stayed home?  I don't think God wanted me to remain in my comfortable surrounding, despite the emotional roller coaster the latter has created.  These emotions are temporary.  I believe God was teaching me perseverance, and using me as a vessel.  In 5 days, I saw siblings I haven't spoken to in years, saw faces I forgot I had forgotten, had the opportunity to tell a junior high music teacher "Thank You" for the influence you had on my life, and many other unexpected visits.  God wanted my presence at my step-father's funeral for my own sake, and for other's, as a testimony for Him.  By the grace of God, I have come along way.  I am now out of the darkness, and living in the light.  The "light" of God!  I can't tell you how many times I heard, " I am so proud of you, you have done well for yourself, your life is so different, Wow, keep shining for Him, and many other comments, which reveal the difference people see in my life.  The difference is a product of serving God, and leaning on Him, and obeying His commands (to the best of my ability).  Proverbs 3:5&6  "Trust in the Lord, with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight."

My step-father loved the song "How Great Thou Art", and he loved to hear me sing.  My mother and his family asked me to sing his favorite hymn.  I knew in my heart, it was something I needed to accomplish.  A vocalist singing for the Lord is more than simple song's to be sung, but a venue for reaching the lost, and touching the saved.  The singing talent God has given me is not something I take for granted, nor do I seek the accolade's of man.  I only desire an audience of "One", and my prayer is always "God, use this message, and the anointing for your glory."


Wednesday morning as I was driving to the funeral, Satan came out of left field, and threatened to steal my peace.  I drove past the funeral home, and straight to the house of God.  The church I attended as a little girl.  Little did I know at such a young age, how important this church would become to me as an adult.  I was anxious, nervous, and scared.  I couldn't sing in such a state.  I needed to pray, and God lead me to this church.  I sat on the steps, praying, and seeking solitude in the presence of God.  From the moment I sat on the steps I heard God through the birds, as they sang comforting hymns, I felt refreshed.  I prayed "Lord use this song, and the message of the pastor to reach those grieving, hurting and lost."

I drove back to the funeral home in peace.  The message was God-honoring, the song's uplifting, and I was in complete peace as I stepped out in faith to sing, "How Great Thou Art?".


I sang my heart straight to the Father, and lifted my hands to His Name.  Never, had the words "Then sings my soul, my savior God to thee! How great thou art?  How great thou art?  Then sings my soul my Savior God to thee!  How great thou art?  How great thou art?", rang so fresh, true, real, and alive.  As I sang in front of my God, my step-father's earthly shell, my mother, my sisters and brother, my family, my friends, and strangers, I felt God was singing straight through my heart.  In this life I have learned my true need for the Savior.  However, in those 5 day's as I encountered many difficult moments, and experienced tears flowing from the brokenness of my heart, I realized my purest need for the Father.

Today I sing my praises to Him, here in my kitchen.  In thankfulness for where he has brought me, all the times He's carried me, and for the knowledge that I now grieve from a safe place, a place I call "home".

"Then Sing's My Soul, My Savior God To Thee!  How Great Thou Art?  How Great Thou Art?  Then Sings My Soul, My Savior God To Thee!  How Great Thou Art?  How Great Thou Art?"