Retrospective Heart's Desire

Walking up the stairs,
I catch my husbands glare.

I observe his eyes,
The slats the only physical barrier between us.

I lean over the rail,
"I love you!", I say.

Memories of love bombard my mind,
Momentarily I am a young girl, 17 years of age.

I remember... Sitting at youth camp,
I felt his hand grasp mine.

My heart stopped.
I will never forget... His touch.

I remember our painful break-up,
It seemed right at the time.

I remember the bear he gave me,
Spraying his cologne and sobbing into the night.

For year's I missed him,
I longed for his affections.


I remember...  The picnic table behind his church.
21 years old, we meet again.


Although the sun had faded,
We realized our love had not.


I remember...  Standing outside the sanctuary.
Arm in arm, with my future father-in-law.


Leaving painful memories in the Father's hands.
I spread my wings and flew, into the arms of my future.


I remember...  Saying I do.
Moisture in his eyes, he states the same.


Lost in the moment.
Walking down the isle... Crystal Ridlon.


I remember...  Our first baby boy.
24 years young, to be a mom.


Forever changed.
Immediately embracing his tiny pink body.


I remember... "I'm a mom!", is all I could think.
"I will protect you little one... We're a family!"


Freedom we once knew dispersed,
This child revealed... a new... unconditional love.  


I remember... Labor Pains.
Wow... They hurt.


Our second baby boy.
Arrived quickly and healthy.


Amazement... Startled me from within.
Second time around...  Love so deep, so meant to be.


I remember...  Our third newborn boy.
Such an easy, painless delivery.


New life brought to our family.
As God took loved ones home.


I remember...  Following my husband.
Across the seas', into unfamiliar territory.


I followed the man of my heart.
Fear unknown, knowing he would provide.


I remember...  The pale pink line.
Was it true?


My heart's expedited beat.
Rang in the excitement of the moment.


I remember...  The doctor said, "It's a girl!"
Holding her...  God answered the deep desire of my heart.


"A daughter.  A little girl."
God's love pure, his miracles real.


Tear's filling my eyes.
I'm jolted back to the present.

Evidence of my life.
Toys layering the floor.

Wooden frames displaying four little faces.
My children drifting off to dream land.

The here and now.
My dream come true.