Can I trust Him... Today?

Today I need to cry.  These tears continue to escape my deep blue eyes.  I long to write... to put on paper these feelings eating away my joy.

My world is spinning... spinning so fast.  No matter how hard I try I can't make it stop.  The sun rises, and yet another night steels away the known.  I will awaken in the morning... my world spinning... the unknown lurking.

Will my loved ones be taken away... the dearest elderly... whom hold my heart.  Those whom pray harder... and tenderly love... really know God's love... and extend His love to His people.. will today be their day... to see Jesus?

Each morning my life's meaning... my four amazing children... are maturing.  Another day closer to adulthood... marriage... and children of their own.  Maybe I'm overly emotional... but I love my little people.  As frazzled as my kids can make me... I dread the day I move them away from our home.  Will my children... as adults... grow into whole... happy... successful... people?  Adults with positive thoughts about their time... in our home... in my presence... in my affections.  Will they trust God... will they forgive my daily failures... will they hold me accountable for my misbehavior in parenting?

Why do I ponder such frail thoughts?  Why can't I just enjoy today... and let tomorrow worry about itself?

Will my husband succeed... will he find fulfillment... in his life... in his job?  Am I the helpmate he needs... the one on earth... whom will gently walk beside him... and gently guide him... to his full capabilities?  Will he walk with me hand in hand... into old age?

Can I forgive those whom hurt my feelings?  Those whom have rejected me once... those whom continually have rejected me since childhood?  Can I have a heart of compassion?  Will God continue to blossom my ability to forgive... as Christ forgave me... for my part in nailing him on the cross?

Why is my heart continually sensitive?  Why can't I find a comfortable level... of toughness?  Why can't I find a firm... sense of emotional level headedness?

Tomorrow is uncertain... my future... a mystery.  Today... I reevaluate my life... What is my ultimate purpose in life?  What is my life's goal?  Do I have faith... unfaltering faith... do I truly comprehend His love?  Can I place my future in the hands of the one... whom has never let me down?  Can I trust him with all the unknowns lurking in my life... can I trust him with tomorrow... with years of faithfulness?  Can I count on Him to wipe away today's tears... tomorrow's fear's?  Can I really trust Him.... with my heart?

Through the years... He's proven faithful.  Yes... He's allowed tear's to escape my eyes... and yet He's never allowed a tear to fall... as He's been there tenderly wiping away each drop.  He's allowed me to live... to see... to experience His miracles abundantly.  He's made all things.... in time.. work for good... to those... to me... who loves Him.  Who trusts in His name.

Do I trust His name?  Today.... as the tears fall?  As those around me... reject me... hurt my heart?  As my future's uncertain... while my children are in my care... as I walk with my husband... as I live... today?  Today... I say "Yes"... an astounding, "Yes"!  I will seek Him... allow him to forgive through me... I will find fulfillment in His word... I will seek to bless those He puts in my path.  I choose "Yes"... I choose Him... and I trust... today!