"Once Again"... I Will "Trust and Obey"

Windows open...  The birds sing enthusiastic praises up to Heaven.

Here I sit at the table... fighting back... undesirable emotions.  I refuse to cry... tears are a sign of weakness... of a lack of faith.

Life is life... I will, "Trust and Obey"!  I will not bellyache... I will not fight my Father every step of the way.  His "Word" reminds me that the Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away.

I know "all" the right answers, I realize... trusting in the Father... is the only way to go.

Yet, another lurking move, and more unknowns await my future.

To be purely honest... I'm not quite sure my heart can cope with another "big" move.

I'm yearning... desiring... reaching for some stability... I long for some long term boredom.  The knowing... the familiar faces at Target... the mindless driving of familiar territory... watching my children continue to build long-term friendships... knowing my baby girl, will share the same teachers as her older brothers... knowing my friends... where they live... and who I can call for help nearby.

At this point, I want to fall on the floor.  Throw a four year old sized tantrum.   (If I thought it would do any good, I just might)

Screaming won't change the inevitable outcome.  Crying won't either.  Being grumpy with God, my husband, and children definitely will not change the outcome..

All I have is God...

All I can do is pray...

I must continue to trust....  To put away my desire for familiarity, and once again... trust in Him.

To be honest... Just between me and you... I don't want to trust.  I wan't to scream, throw a fit, cry.  Anything to control my world, and my desires.

Trust me, I've done plenty crying, screaming, and toddler sized tantrum throwing in my 34 years on this Earth.  To my knowledge... none of these antics have ever proved a successful outcome.

Like a four year old, learns throwing tantrums in the middle of Walmart, doesn't earn an exit reward.  So have I learned, negativity ... fighting... and bitterness hasn't earned me any rewards.

Tears... gently flow.

Despite, my humanness I will trust Him, "once again", in the midst of the tears.

I will allow Him to prove Himself to me, "once again"...

I will cry... because I can't make the tears stop.

Knowing that He's there "once again" catching every tear drop.

Wiping away every drop... of pain... frustration... fear... and uncertainty.

"Once again"... I will "Trust and Obey".